My Twin and I --Leah Outten

My Twin and I by Leah Outten

I was conceived out of careless love
Yet, I never doubted I was loved.
There were two of us,
My twin and I.
One stronger, holding on longer,
The other slipping away before they knew
We were two.

My heart beat too slow,
I felt God call to let go.
I heard the doctor through the womb
Tell my mom to let go of hope, too.
I felt her stomach tighten,
Her tears start to flow as she said, “No.”
I felt the heartache she never thought she would face.

While she waited, prayed, and hoped,
I joined my sibling above.
She waited and held on, an entire month,
Before our remains were sucked into light.
I watched from above as the moment she awakened,
She cried.

I wish she wouldn’t hurt—I wish she knew.
We’re okay Mom; we’re dancing with no need for shoes.
Laughing and playing with the Father she praises,
We’re better than okay—
We’re free.

From my view above I like to watch her with my sister,
Laughing and playing with the daughter she adores.
Reading books, playing puzzles, and tickle monster;
I know she thinks often
we could have had those moments, too.

Almost a year later since we came to be,
I see another take our spot,
Comfy and warm just like we were,
And my parents delighted with joy.
Will this one follow us, will God call them too?
Will my new sibling form as we could not?

Either way, help my Mom know—
It’s okay.

[Side note: I'm not satisfied with the last 3 stanzas/ending so any suggestions would be appreciated!]

I really appreciated your poem too. Hearing it from the perspective of the baby was hard for me but good at the same time. "That song" I spoke of in my poem is Tears in Heaven by Eric Clapton. It was one of the songs we played at her funeral. I don't know if you've heard it but your poem in a way answered some of the questions in the song. The 18th anniversary of her death is next week and so not only have I been thinking about her but my mother as well. I couldn't help but think of and feel for my her when I heard your poem. So, thank you.

Lauren